Our expectations shape what we notice and how we interpret other people's behavior. If you repeatedly experienced rejection, criticism, or unpredictable responses from important people in your past, you may start to assume that you can’t trust anyone to show up consistently.<div><br></div><div>Let’s return to the unanswered text. Someone who generally believes that their relationships are secure will likely assume that their friend is just busy. Someone who expects rejection may immediately wonder what they've done wrong or whether the friendship is ending.</div><div><br></div><div>When intense emotions accompany these interpretations, they often feel like facts. The stronger the anxiety or hurt, the more convincing the belief that you’re being rejected becomes.</div><div><br></div><div>When you anticipate rejection, it’s natural to want to protect yourself from it. For someone with BPD, this might involve repeatedly asking for reassurance, monitoring a partner's mood, withdrawing before they can be rejected, or becoming angry when they perceive someone pulling away.</div><div><br></div><div>These behaviors often provide some immediate relief. Reassurance temporarily reduces anxiety. If you end a relationship before someone else does, it might lessen the sting. Anger may make someone feel less vulnerable than acknowledging how afraid they are of losing the relationship.</div><div><br></div><div>Unfortunately, these strategies also create problems in relationships. Repeated reassurance seeking may frustrate a partner, withdrawing obviously prevents closeness, and angry reactions may escalate an otherwise minor disagreement. When the relationship becomes strained, it can confirm the original expectation that other people will eventually reject you.</div>